10,000 BC

CGI elephant chasing guy with dreadlocks in 10,000 BC (dir. Roland Emmerich, 2008).

Did you know that some people are upset because of the "BC" in this film's title? Excuse me, some people, may I laugh at you? In the world of this film--a world where people can talk to tigers (I mean, I guess people can talk to tigers in our world too, but in this movie, the tigers understand), where old medicine women can tell the future and telepathically heal arrow wounds, and where seven-foot-tall malevolent albinos enlist not only human slaves but wooly mammoths to build huge golden-tipped pyramids--I think it's fair to entertain more than just the possibility that the as-yet-unborn Jesus Christ is a legitimate holy savior worthy of having all the years subsequent to his birth named after him; in this world, he could very well be an electric-banjo-playing international porn star who's able to shoot laser beams from his tongue.

I think what I like best about 10,000 BC is that the three main characters are named D'Leh, Evolet, and Tic'Tic. Their language must be derived from backwards Journey lyrics or something. For the audience, of course, it's English, which is fine; but why, when people in movies are supposed to be speaking another language, are they given those stupid accents? They don't have accents when they speak however they "actually" speak in their language, do they? So why should they have accents in "translation"? And why is it so important that the English used to represent their speech never contain any contractions? And I'm sorry--did I really hear someone say "many moons"?


Alex said...


now i want to see it.

Wade said...


I'm just curious. Why did you go to this movie?

K. Silem Mohammad said...

Ah Wade, after all these years, how little you understand me. Why did Cortez climb Everest? Why did the Americans put a man on Mars? Why did the Irishman put 239 white beans in his white bean soup?

kyle said...

i can not wait to wallow in this movie's unfathomable awfulness on thursday. from your review, i take it i will not be disappointed, or at least, i should not think so.


now i'm a neanderthal too!